Coming out at work

Adam, a 27-year-old customer service manager, works in a “friendly but corporate” environment. “Should I come out to my co-workers? I am well respected and I think well liked. There is the usual co-worker banter about weekends and partners but I am not sure if I should be upfront about being gay or not.”

Sharing personal information in the office is a deeply personal decision. The fact you are uncertain about how your colleagues would react could be a message in itself. My advice would be to research this topic online and amongst your non-work friends but remain true to yourself. Don’t be pressured because someone else thinks you should, or should not, come out at work. There is no right or wrong answer to this one ““ just what is right for you.

You want to ensure you are not putting yourself at a disadvantage or in danger. Legally, your employer cannot hold you back from promotion based on your sexual preference. In reality, there are still plenty of workplaces where people get ahead because they bond with the boss over sport or by being a “˜yes’ person.

If you do decide to share, look for an opportunity during an everyday conversation and start with someone you get on well with. For example, while chatting with a colleague about a new restaurant you could mention that you and your partner [insert male name] have wanted to try it too or have already been there. Start low key and gauge reaction.

I did a bit of searching on the Internet and there is a lot written on this topic including a couple of books. I’ve sent Adam the best references.

According to a recent article in the Wall Street Journal, a recent poll found 44 per cent of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender respondents felt unable to talk freely to co-workers about their partners and 78 per cent were uncomfortable bringing their partners to corporate social functions.

An article on CareerOne advised: “Make a list of everyone in your workplace who has an effect on your job. Think about how each person might react. How important to your career are those who might react negatively? Is it realistic to think your job could be jeopardised? Taking an analytical approach to this process can help you get a clearer picture of what to anticipate.”

Adam, you certainly don’t owe your co-workers a backgrounder on your romantic life but I appreciate you don’t want the pressure and barriers of being guarded.

If anyone has any constructive advice I will add it to the article on line.