Rules of office romance

Research suggests that most people will get caught up in an office romance at some stage of their career.

While many lasting partnerships start at work, office romance can also be a minefield.

Messy affairs with married colleagues, public “domestics”, sexual harassment claims and the loss of respect amongst colleagues or even your job could all result from an office affair gone wrong.

Read through these suggested rules and stay on the light side of work and love.

Date outside the pod

Life is complicated enough without getting involved with a team member. Interdepartmental relationships at least provide a little distance to ensure if things go wrong, you are not having to interact every day.

In an interview with CareerOne a few years back, Dr Jeff Patrick from the School of Management at Griffith University said most relationships take place between people on the same level.

“Who are working for different departments or even different divisions of the company,” Dr Patrick said.

Going public

Common stresses, goals and challenges can bring people together but it doesn’t mean they will stay that way. If you meet a colleague on a joint project and the attraction is instant, test it over time before outing yourselves at work.

Frank and Gabby are happily married with a baby. They first met at a party in 1996 when both were working for the same telco in different departments. The party was thrown by colleagues but was not an official work function.

“We kept the relationship secret for two months,” Frank told CareerOne. “We wanted to make sure we were alright before seeing if anyone else was alright about it.”

Eventually Frank was invited to another party being thrown by yet another colleague. He was told he could bring a partner and when he arrived with Gabby on his arm, co-workers were taken aback but supportive.

Separate work and home

Commonsense dictates here but for those challenged in this area here is the basics. Your colleagues DO NOT want to hear you snipe at each other, they don’t want valuable work taken up with conversations about household stuff and don’t want to be put in the middle of anything.

Also be discreet. Do not complain or boast about a lover to a co-worker. It’s just plain tacky. Don’t reveal information a colleague would simply rather not know about a co-worker. No doubt, the “other half” of the couple might be equally horrified about having their personal business broadcast around the office.

“My test is: ‘could you tell this to your mother or father? Or even better, your grandmother or grandfather? If the answer is ‘no’, then it’s probably not suitable fodder for the office,” was the advice from an HR manager.

Use your head. Even revealing intimate details about yourself might be letting colleagues know more about you and your partner than they would like. Even it was legal.

“Hanging out” at each other’s desks is another activity likely to annoy managers and co-workers. Lunch time is the time to go out and be together if you really need couple time.

Managing dating co-workers

The HR manager of an insurance company who requested anonymity recalled some awkward times managing couples.

One couple commandeered a meeting room in the office to hold a domestic talkfest. Another held hands sitting next to one another at a seminar.

“Managers should be clear about the boundaries and behaviours they expect from employees. The relationship on its own is not a problem, it is behaviours that can be a problem,” said the manager.

She also recommended managers praise couples who use their heads in the office.

“Give feedback to people who are managing the situation well,” she said. “You need to be prepared to say to them that they have been conducting themselves in a very professional manner. It’s really important to let people know that their discretion and overall behaviour is appreciated.”

Confidentiality is crucial concern for companies where a couple comprises a senior executive and someone a few ranks below. Chances are the more junior employee will be exposed to information they simply wouldn’t otherwise have.

An example of this involved a couple who both worked at a bank but in different areas. The more junior of the two, used information gleaned from her lover to further her own career and thwart rivals.

For managers dealing with dating co-workers the manager’s advice is an emphatic: “Tread very carefully.”

“Don’t do anything without advice and line managers should role play how they propose handling the situation with the HR manager,” she says. “Even experienced HR people should tread carefully with this issue.”