Three ‘As’ of dealing with difficult people

Gavan Podbury has been told that he liberates people.

Based in Melbourne, Podbury tours the country presenting seminars on how to cope with difficult people at work, home – anywhere.

He says success comes down to the three “As” –  Accept, Alter, Avoid. Accept the behavior, alter the way you interact with the difficult person or avoid them all together.

Podbury says he talks to his audience about “inappropriate behaviors” rather than “bullying”.

“I don’t like that word ‘bullying’. It is a self defeating word that makes people feel like they have lost. Instead of asking what they can do about their situation they ask ‘why is this happening to me?’”

“I also discourage people from going through the grievance process [at work] except as a last resort. Even though [employers] say that making an official complaint will not disadvantage you, that is not true.

“My approach is this. You are the one having the difficulty here. You have to take responsibility for yourself. I am very much about empowering individuals because at the end of the day, all you have is yourself.

A social researcher and counselor, Podbury says that while there are 16 personality types, people are born with one of four main temperaments that he nicknames Idealist, Guardian, Activity and Rational. He says if people can figure out their own temperament and that of their nemesis then they can improve their interaction.

A need to be liked is the core driver for the Idealist. They will be unhappy if they feel disrespected or if people are not being sensitive to others. They get upset when people don’t say ‘good morning’ to them and feel pained if co-workers cannot sympathise with someone in need.

The Guardian is driven by a strong need for people to do the right thing. They think of themselves as logical, loyal and methodical. They get upset with people who they regard as disorganised or who disrespect authority.

The Activity person lives to have fun. They need a wide variety of tasks because they get bored easily and they are often in conflict with Guardians. Worse, Podbury says these two types often end up in a romantic relationship together as they are attracted to their opposite but it rarely lasts.

The Rational person needs to be the boss. They are driven by efficiency and outcomes and you will really tick them off if you are not driven to achieve. They can also be the ones who don’t say ‘good morning’ because it is more efficient to just get on with their work. If they are not the boss they can be a disruptive influence.

Podbury says that while many people go to his seminar to find out how to cope with someone at work, by the end of the day they realise that their best option is just to find a new job.

“If you can’t accept the situation you might need to avoid it by leaving but at least you will be leaving for the right reasons – as part of a strategic decision and not because you were defeated,” says Podbury.